HONORING MY MOM BONNIE & GRANDMA EVA

Although this post is dated on the day my mother Bonnie Henderson very unexpectedly passed away (August 8, 2009), it has taken me nearly 8 months to write about it (it is April 2, 2010 as I type this). Many of you were blessed to know her and I was the luckiest one of all because I was her daughter. My mom shaped me into the woman I am today and I doubt I will ever come even close to being half the wife, mother, and daughter that she was. I don't usually get super personal in my blog posts but losing her has affected me so profoundly and I want to do all that I can to honor her and share a bit of her with you. She was a HUGE part of my involvement in pageantry and I never would achieved ANY of it without her love and support.

The crazy part about this year is that with the shocking loss of my mom, 2009 was hands down the worst year of my life on a personal level...but oddly enough it was the best year of my life professionally. I am an only child and losing my mom has been devastating (we talked 2-3x per day and saw each other the same per week). It has been like losing my best friend, the "sister" I never had, and of course my mom all at the same time. She and my dad were two weeks away from celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary...they were high school sweethearts (she was Homecoming Queen and he was King--they were both dating other people at the time and that is how they fell in love). They were probably the most in-love couple I've ever known--all of my girlfriends would say they wanted a marriage like my parents.






Here is my mom giving her speech as Homecoming Queen (my dad is #84 in the background). They have been together since they were 17 years old...truly a love story for the ages.





We'd all gone out for dinner the night before (we did a lot socially with my parents) and I remember telling her how pretty she looked that night--on the outside, she looked to be the picture of health (or so we thought). The next morning when I was cleaning up breakfast, the phone rang and I figured it was my mom calling to say how fun the night before had been...instead it was my dad hysterically telling me that the paramedics were there working on mom and that he thought she'd had a stroke and it didn't look good. Our lives changed in an instant and will never be the same.

We believe she had an aneurysm, stroke, or massive heart attack. All was normal that morning...they'd woken up, had coffee, watched a movie, and then my dad was on the internet and my mom was doing laundry. My dad called for her and she said in a strong, clear voice that she was downstairs, so he went down there and she was sitting on bottom steps of the staircase. He said "What's wrong?" and she turned and looked at him and said "I can't believe how light-headed I feel..." and then just started to fall over. My dad ran to catch her and she went limp and he thinks she died in his arms. He tried CPR to no avail...he called 911 and said the paramedics were there in 5 minutes but he thinks she was gone before they even arrived. My dad has seen death and knows life-saving techniques (he is a Vietnam Vet)...and he said the paramedics did everything they could to bring her back. As you can imagine, things have been pretty awful. My dad is like a bird with a broken wing. Losing her has literally brought me to my knees...it is absolutely devastating.

In addition to being my best friend and confidant, my mom was a HUGE part of my "pageant" life. After I won my first pageant (Miss Junior Wisconsin 1989), she bought the directorship franchise and became a successful state director with over 80 contestants. She was a also Miss America certified judge and judged quite a few pageants. In addition to being my greatest cheerleader, she also won the national Beauties of America 60's title in 2004 (her first and only pageant, LOL!). She was a TREMENDOUS help in my coaching business, especially in interview (just ask any of my clients!). She was a great mock judge and pageantry was our "thing" that we did together. So not only do I miss her every second of every day in my personal life, I also miss terribly her in my "pageant" life. A double loss.





This photo was taken for a newspaper article when I was giving up my title as Miss Jr. Wisconsin 1989 and my mom then bought the directorship.
















This photo was taken at the 2004 Mrs. Minnesota International pageant. I was a few months pregnant and my mom had just won the Wisconsin Beauties of America 60's title. She went on to be crowned the National Beauties of America 60's winner.















My mom when she won the National Beauties of America 60's division in 2004.

















My mom and dad with me at my very first national pageant, the 1989 Miss Junior America pageant in Miami Beach, FL.














I love this photo of my mom...this really captures how proud she was of me. This was taken moments after I'd won Mrs. MN America 2006 and she was THRILLED for me. She is grinning from ear to ear and this photo is just so "HER." She truly was my #1 cheerleader and I am forever grateful.









To make matters worse, my grandmother Eva (my mom's mom--that is who I named my daughter after) had passed away three weeks earlier. My grandma was the reason I ever got involved in pageants in the first place. My grandmother was a stunner--she was so glamorous and used to model for the Sears catalog--she looked like Vivien Leigh from "Gone with the Wind." She loved all things feminine and was SO proud of my pageant career. She was the one who encouraged me to enter my first pageant, and she was my biggest cheerleader alongside my mom. She was 89 and her health rapidly had declined, so we were at least prepared for her passing. She led a full and wonderful life but certainly is missed.






Me with my mom and Grandma Eva at the Miss World America pageant held in El Paso, TX in 1993. I was Miss Wisconsin World America 1993 (how I ever won looking like that is BEYOND me!), and it meant the world to have my mom and grandma down there cheering me on.







I grew up in a tiny town in northern Wisconsin, so we had been planning my Grandma Eva's memorial service for mid-September when we had some family planning on visiting, but then when my mom died, we decided to have a "dual" Memorial service...it just felt like the right thing to do (they were both cremated). My dear friend Nancy Paradeise (Mrs. MN Int'l 2004) helped me put together a slide show which was played at their service. For some reason you have to watch my mom's in two parts (you have to watch each song independently for some reason).

BONNIE PART 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGE8CA6JNrA

BONNIE PART 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joQbWnYLHRY

GRANDMA EVA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksu5sB8h4TM

Pageantry has been a big part of the healing process for me because it is something I loved to do with my mom and has kept me busy. However at the end of the day, pageantry is NOT what is truly important. Family, faith, and health are what REALLY matter and oddly enough, it seems that those are the three things that we take most for granted. My mom always tried to instill that in me, but this experience has really brought it home. My mom was an eternal optimist and believed in the GOOD in people. We were as close as a mother and daughter could be--in some ways, she was more like a sister than a mom! She was an absolutely incredible mother but an even more amazing grandmother to my daughter Ava. That is probably the thing that is hardest for me--knowing that Ava will not get to experience all that my mom had yet to teach her. They were the best of friends and had such an incredible bond. Oh it is so hard to even think about...






This is my very favorite photo of my mom, Ava, and I...it was taken at the Send-Off party for the 2009 Minnesota International queens at my house. Oh how I miss her...




We are sooooo thankful for the love and support that we have received from so many of you! We are blessed to have an amazing group of friends and I have been so especially touched by the support from my pageant sisters. Special thanks go to Sarah Moses and Donnell Rank, who have been AMAZING friends throughout it all and were an incredible help during the Open House at my parents' house. I love you both so dearly. So many pageant people have reached out to me and I just want you to know how appreciated all of your thoughts and kind words have been. I still haven't written our official "thank you's" simply because it has been too hard to sit down and write them. But they are coming!

There was one sympathy card in particular that really struck me...it said "Love is deeper than sorrow". Stop and think about that for a bit...it really is true. We WILL be together again one day. Another quote that has helped me through this is "Life is not always fair, but it is still good." That is how my mother taught me to think and she was right.








I created the programs for my mom and grandma's Celebration of Life service. This is the front cover...

















...and this is the back cover.











So...while life is not always fair, it IS still good and I am blessed to have a wonderful family and amazing friends. Thank you all for your love and support and please join me in a loving farewell to my incredible mom Bonnie and loving grandma Eva. You are loved and you are missed!