Although this post is dated on the day my mother Bonnie Henderson very unexpectedly passed away (August 8, 2009), it has taken me nearly 8 months to write about it (it is April 2, 2010 as I type this). Many of you were blessed to know her and I was the luckiest one of all because I was her daughter. My mom shaped me into the woman I am today and I doubt I will ever come even close to being half the wife, mother, and daughter that she was. I don't usually get super personal in my blog posts but losing her has affected me so profoundly and I want to do all that I can to honor her and share a bit of her with you. She was a HUGE part of my involvement in pageantry and I never would achieved ANY of it without her love and support.
The crazy part about this year is that with the shocking loss of my mom, 2009 was hands down the worst year of my life on a personal level...but oddly enough it was the best year of my life professionally. I am an only child and losing my mom has been devastating (we talked 2-3x per day and saw each other the same per week). It has been like losing my best friend, the "sister" I never had, and of course my mom all at the same time. She and my dad were two weeks away from celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary...they were high school sweethearts (she was Homecoming Queen and he was King--they were both dating other people at the time and that is how they fell in love). They were probably the most in-love couple I've ever known--all of my girlfriends would say they wanted a marriage like my parents.
Here is my mom giving her speech as Homecoming Queen (my dad is #84 in the background). They have been together since they were 17 years old...truly a love story for the ages.
We'd all gone out for dinner the night before (we did a lot socially with my parents) and I remember telling her how pretty she looked that night--on the outside, she looked to be the picture of health (or so we thought). The next morning when I was cleaning up breakfast, the phone rang and I figured it was my mom calling to say how fun the night before had been...instead it was my dad hysterically telling me that the paramedics were there working on mom and that he thought she'd had a stroke and it didn't look good. Our lives changed in an instant and will never be the same.
We believe she had an aneurysm, stroke, or massive heart attack. All was normal that morning...they'd woken up, had coffee, watched a movie, and then my dad was on the internet and my mom was doing laundry. My dad called for her and she said in a strong, clear voice that she was downstairs, so he went down there and she was sitting on bottom steps of the staircase. He said "What's wrong?" and she turned and looked at him and said "I can't believe how light-headed I feel..." and then just started to fall over. My dad ran to catch her and she went limp and he thinks she died in his arms. He tried CPR to no avail...he called 911 and said the paramedics were there in 5 minutes but he thinks she was gone before they even arrived. My dad has seen death and knows life-saving techniques (he is a Vietnam Vet)...and he said the paramedics did everything they could to bring her back. As you can imagine, things have been pretty awful. My dad is like a bird with a broken wing. Losing her has literally brought me to my knees...it is absolutely devastating.
In addition to being my best friend and confidant, my mom was a HUGE part of my "pageant" life. After I won my first pageant (Miss Junior Wisconsin 1989), she bought the directorship franchise and became a successful state director with over 80 contestants. She was a also Miss America certified judge and judged quite a few pageants. In addition to being my greatest cheerleader, she also won the national Beauties of America 60's title in 2004 (her first and only pageant, LOL!). She was a TREMENDOUS help in my coaching business, especially in interview (just ask any of my clients!). She was a great mock judge and pageantry was our "thing" that we did together. So not only do I miss her every second of every day in my personal life, I also miss terribly her in my "pageant" life. A double loss.
This photo was taken for a newspaper article when I was giving up my title as Miss Jr. Wisconsin 1989 and my mom then bought the directorship.
This photo was taken at the 2004 Mrs. Minnesota International pageant. I was a few months pregnant and my mom had just won the Wisconsin Beauties of America 60's title. She went on to be crowned the National Beauties of America 60's winner.
My mom when she won the National Beauties of America 60's division in 2004.
My mom and dad with me at my very first national pageant, the 1989 Miss Junior America pageant in Miami Beach, FL. 
I love this photo of my mom...this really captures how proud she was of me. This was taken moments after I'd won Mrs. MN America 2006 and she was THRILLED for me. She is grinning from ear to ear and this photo is just so "HER." She truly was my #1 cheerleader and I am forever grateful.
To make matters worse, my grandmother Eva (my mom's mom--that is who I named my daughter after) had passed away three weeks earlier. My grandma was the reason I ever got involved in pageants in the first place. My grandmother was a stunner--she was so glamorous and used to model for the Sears catalog--she looked like Vivien Leigh from "Gone with the Wind." She loved all things feminine and was SO proud of my pageant career. She was the one who encouraged me to enter my first pageant, and she was my biggest cheerleader alongside my mom. She was 89 and her health rapidly had declined, so we were at least prepared for her passing. She led a full and wonderful life but certainly is missed.
Me with my mom and Grandma Eva at the Miss World America pageant held in El Paso, TX in 1993. I was Miss Wisconsin World America 1993 (how I ever won looking like that is BEYOND me!), and it meant the world to have my mom and grandma down there cheering me on.
I grew up in a tiny town in northern Wisconsin, so we had been planning my Grandma Eva's memorial service for mid-September when we had some family planning on visiting, but then when my mom died, we decided to have a "dual" Memorial service...it just felt like the right thing to do (they were both cremated). My dear friend Nancy Paradeise (Mrs. MN Int'l 2004) helped me put together a slide show which was played at their service. For some reason you have to watch my mom's in two parts (you have to watch each song independently for some reason).
BONNIE PART 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGE8CA6JNrA
BONNIE PART 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joQbWnYLHRY
GRANDMA EVA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksu5sB8h4TM
Pageantry has been a big part of the healing process for me because it is something I loved to do with my mom and has kept me busy. However at the end of the day, pageantry is NOT what is truly important. Family, faith, and health are what REALLY matter and oddly enough, it seems that those are the three things that we take most for granted. My mom always tried to instill that in me, but this experience has really brought it home. My mom was an eternal optimist and believed in the GOOD in people. We were as close as a mother and daughter could be--in some ways, she was more like a sister than a mom! She was an absolutely incredible mother but an even more amazing grandmother to my daughter Ava. That is probably the thing that is hardest for me--knowing that Ava will not get to experience all that my mom had yet to teach her. They were the best of friends and had such an incredible bond. Oh it is so hard to even think about...
This is my very favorite photo of my mom, Ava, and I...it was taken at the Send-Off party for the 2009 Minnesota International queens at my house. Oh how I miss her...
We are sooooo thankful for the love and support that we have received from so many of you! We are blessed to have an amazing group of friends and I have been so especially touched by the support from my pageant sisters. Special thanks go to Sarah Moses and Donnell Rank, who have been AMAZING friends throughout it all and were an incredible help during the Open House at my parents' house. I love you both so dearly. So many pageant people have reached out to me and I just want you to know how appreciated all of your thoughts and kind words have been. I still haven't written our official "thank you's" simply because it has been too hard to sit down and write them. But they are coming!
There was one sympathy card in particular that really struck me...it said "Love is deeper than sorrow". Stop and think about that for a bit...it really is true. We WILL be together again one day. Another quote that has helped me through this is "Life is not always fair, but it is still good." That is how my mother taught me to think and she was right.
I created the programs for my mom and grandma's Celebration of Life service. This is the front cover...
...and this is the back cover.
So...while life is not always fair, it IS still good and I am blessed to have a wonderful family and amazing friends. Thank you all for your love and support and please join me in a loving farewell to my incredible mom Bonnie and loving grandma Eva. You are loved and you are missed!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
HONORING MY MOM BONNIE & GRANDMA EVA
Thursday, July 23, 2009
MRS. UNITED STATES 2009 (Day 5) - Las Vegas, NV
Whew! What a ride! This is the first time I have had a chance to sit down, plug in my computer, download photos, and get a chance to update my blog. After the pageant on Thursday night (more on that in a bit), we went out for a nice dinner and then I had to pack and hit the hay to try and catch a few zzzz's before my 5:15 AM wake-up call for my flight. I had to fly into Chicago instead of going home because I am coaching the AWESOME Jessica Scheu (Miss Teen MN International 2009) in the Miss Teen International pageant, and also supporting the incredible Maddy Thoele (Miss MN International 2009) who is coached by my good friend and former coach Cheri Kennedy. I arrived in Chicago around 2:00, then had to take the shuttle to the car rental place where I had to stand in line for AN HOUR (sooooo annoying) to get my car. By the time I arrived in Skokie, I had time to grab a snack and get ready and before I knew it, it was pageant time again! I was EXHAUSTED but it was great to cheer Maddy on...she did AWESOME! After the pageant, I had a big, fat, greasy cheeseburger with my dear friends Allison Stavrakis (State Director of the MN International Pageants) and photographer Paula Preston. It was great to catch up but I was sooo tired and then my tummy hurt from my cheeseburger (but it was well worth it, ha ha). I slept in this morning until 10:00 (normally I can NEVER sleep that late), and am now just getting to my emails and to updating this blog. All I can say is...WHEW!
Now...on to the pageant! Unfortunately, I did not place in the Top 12...however, I can DEFINITELY say that I did my absolute best and felt great about my performance and have no regrets. So I personally felt like it was a success! I had a GREAT time and the ladies were absolutely WONDERFUL. I did not see even one bit of bad sportsmanship or anything even close to that. What I DID see were many supportive, friendly, and down to earth ladies. This seriously was one of the best groups I have ever competed with. I met some terrific women and would do it again in a heart beat. Of course there were some surprises in the Top 12 (there always are--it's a pageant, LOL!) and I thought that AL, AR, and AK would DEFINITELY be in there. Which just goes to show you that you never know!
The eventual winner Tammy Johns-Brown was a sweetheart and I am proud to say that she was in my dressing room (we had a great group and everyone was really helpful). I also sat next to her at breakfast one day and enjoyed getting to chat with her a bit. She had a great on-stage answer to her question and I just have to say that I want to know what those South Carolina girls put in their water because they are definitely doing something right, LOL! Congrats to her and to the other members of the Top 12...I wish I would have been in there, but alas it was not my year! The 1st RU was Mrs. WY Janet McCullough, 2nd RU was Mrs. TX Lindsay Clark (a pastor!), 3rd RU was Mrs. FL Kelly Lightbourne, and 4th RU was Mrs. MO Caitlin Corry (I LOVE LOVE LOVE this girl!). Mrs. OH won Photogenic, Mrs. FL won the Civic Award, and the Fitness Award went to a VERY deserving Mrs. Missouri. I am not sure why they don't announce an Evening Gown or Interview Award but they don't.
It was a great experience and I had a great time, and while of course I was disappointed to not make Top 12, I did not shed one tear. There are bigger things to cry about in this world! I am very blessed to have a terrific husband, the best little girl in the world, and an incredible family. And I am blessed to have my health (something we too often take for granted) and an AMAZING group of friends and supporters. I have been SOOOOOOO touched by the many messages and emails I have received from so many (you know who you are...I will get back to each of you when I have a little more time). I have loved competing in pageantry since the age of 16, which is when my grandma suggested I enter one. She passed away one week before the day of the pageant, and throughout the competition I was wearing her ring. I hope that I made her proud...thinking of her and rubbing that ring backstage gave me a sense of peace and calm and I think that was her last gift to me. In the world of pageantry where so much emphasis is placed on the external, it is easy to get caught up in the unimportant things...and as I tell my clients, "Don't ever let it mean too much." I got to play dress-up for a week and meet an amazing group of women, so while I didn't walk away with the crown, it was still a great experience that I would gladly do over again! Hopefully it will make me a better coach as well!
Now...on to cheering for Jessica and Maddy! It is neat to see these girls in the beginning of their pageant careers...maybe some day they will compete as Mrs. contestants! I am SOOOOO proud of Jessica and can't wait to report on tonight! Thank you again to those who have been so supportive, it has meant the world to me! Stay tuned!!!
Mrs. Arizona Melanie Britton with her SUPER cute bag! I just had to get a photo!
SMILE! A group of us before our final rehearsal.
Hanging out with my peeps at rehearsal, LOL
With two of my dearest friends, Donnell Rank and Sarah Moses
These two ladies are incredible! Special thanks to Sarah Moses for my wardrobe...she is THE BEST in the biz!
Group shot just before show time!
Ladies in red
A photo with Caitlin Corry, Mrs. Missouri. We had a blast together! LOVE this girl! You should see how fit she is...WOW. She DEFINITELY deserved the fitness award!
With pageant host Jay Joseph. He did a terrific job and our choreographer Natalie Carson was SUPERB!
Mrs. Michigan and I pose in our silver halter gowns (hers was actually a champagne-y pink)...what a neat lady!
The ladies of our dressing room! Tammy Johns-Brown (the eventual winner) who was also in our dressing room is missing from the photo because she was competing on stage! Congratulations Tammy on becoming the 2009 Mrs. United States!
I thought each of these ladies were shoo-ins for Top 5! Just goes to show you that you never know! L to R: Mrs. AL, Mrs. AR, and Mrs. AK. Are they gorgeous or what!?!
With the darling and hilarious Kim Geremia, Mrs. Guam. She totally cracked me up!
After the pageant with Sheila McKinney Mrs. RI and the sweeter than sweet Sheila Strassburg!
With my supporters after the pageant! THANK YOU ladies for being such awesome cheerleaders!
My "pageant sister" Katie Scott (Mrs. Iowa America 2006) is now living in Las Vegas and came to cheer me on. She looks better than ever and I think SHE should compete in this pageant next year! Stay tuned...
The fabulous Dohn Dye and I chatting after the pageant
The "Phillips" girls! My mom Bonnie and I pose with Sue Jackson (we are all from the same tiny hometown of Phillips, WI...population 1,200 without a stoplight in the whole county!) Yep, that's where it's all at, LOL!
After the pageant with Liz Fogg-Abanon, Dohn Dye, me, and the LOVELY Rosalie Michaels (former Mrs. AZ America). I swear she gets prettier every year!
With Siouxan Moore (state director for MD, DE, PA, and VA) and Nicole Brink (former Mrs. America and Mrs. World). Best of luck to Siouxan as she competes in Beauties of America! It was so nice to finally meet her...she is so pretty!
With Dana Opsincs, Mrs. United States 2001. She is so cool...it was great seeing her!
Whew...now I am in Chicago cheering on my teen client Jessica Scheu (Miss Teen MN Int'l 2009) and she competes for the national title. Bring it home Jess! I am soooooo proud of you no matter what the outcome!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
MRS. UNITED STATES 2009 (Day 4) - Las Vegas, NV
Today started with rehearsals where we learned the Swimsuit and Evening Gown walking patterns. We had a nice break for lunch and then back for more rehearsals. We put the finishing touches on our Opening Number (we are dancing to "Baby I'm A Star" by Prince) and then they released us to get ready for Prelims!
Lunch with Mrs. Texas and Mrs. Arkansas
With Mrs. MO, Mrs. IL, and Mrs. RI before the pageant in our red dresses. That "fog" you see is actually a hairspray haze--no lie!
With one of my favorite ladies Beth (Mrs. WA) in the hairspray haze (not that I had anything to do with that, ha ha!)
With Mrs. Nebraska Michelle Strom in our evening gowns. I love her gown! Beautiful!
Backstage in evening gowns...
With the incomparable Gaspar Cruz & Dohn Dye...these two are amazing!!!
With Gaspar Cruz & best friend Sarah Moses (owner of The Pageant Shop by Michael's)
My friends and supporters (L to R): Sue Jackson, my mom Bonnie Henderson, me, Donnell Rank, Gaspar Cruz
I FINALLY got to meet Stephanie Hunt - Mrs. United States 2007...she is AWESOME and is someone I've admired for a long time, so it was great to finally connect!
Sarah & I with the "Iowa gals" Michelle Berndt (Mrs. IA) and our client Laura Diers (Mrs. IA America 2008)
With my mom...she is my biggest supporter and I could not do it without her! LOVE YOU MOM!
It was fun to run into Nic Brink (former Mrs. America and Mrs. World) & Diane Ritter (State Director of the Mrs. AZ & Mrs. UT America pageants). These two are awesome ladies!
Some of the beautiful flowers, gifts, and trinkets from my friends, family, and supporters! Special thanks to Sue Jackson, Sarah Moses, Kris Mohlin, my mom Bonnie Henderson, Donnell Rank, Andrea Robertson, Leigh Gettman-Allen, Wendi Russo, Heather Hall, and Tamara Jett for your well wishes...you all mean so much to me and I just want you to know how special you've made me feel!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
MRS. UNITED STATES 2009 (Day 3) - Las Vegas, NV
As I sit here typing this, it is RAINING cats and dogs in Las Vegas (yes, you read that right!). The other night (when we had our bus tour), there were severe thunderstorms as well...so crazy! I am going to keep it short because I don't have a ton of time, but in a nutshell, things are going well and I am having a great time! Today we had to be dressed and ready in swimsuits for the poolside swimsuit shoot early in the morning in order to beat the heat and get the best light. Everyone looked fantastic and it was fun to chat with the reigning Mrs. United States Gariane Gunter. She is from Columbia and my husband Matt went to his senior year of high school and his freshman year of college in Charleston, which is fairly close by. She is a lovely lady and it is easy to see why she won! It was also so nice to run into Sheila Strassburg who is one of the SWEETEST ladies ever! I could just listen to her soothing voice forever. Love her! I got to say a quick hello to Janice McQueen-Ward (former Mrs. United States AND the CA director) as well as Pam Bolter (former Mrs. FL US and FL state director). They are two fun and sassy ladies and it was so nice to catch up...
After the poolside shoot, we had a bit of free time before rehearsals which was nice. I was so excited because my best friend Sarah Moses (owner of The Pageant Shop) arrived in the morning, and then my mom Bonnie and friend/client Sue Jackson arrived later in the evening. After lunch, we rehearsed until around 4ish and then were released to get ready for our interviews. Gaspar did an AWESOME job with my makeup and I felt like a million bucks in my new interview suit! What IS it about new clothes that makes us fee so good? My interview went well, although I was not asked even one question off of my Bio. After interview was over (it was 3 minutes), I headed back to the room, changed clothes, and then headed to Tao restaurant at the Venetian with Gaspar and Sarah (my mom and Sue had not yet arrived at that point). We had a great dinner and then headed home to the Orleans...and FINALLY to bed! More to come...
